Sleeksays

LA Kings (10-11-3) vs. Edmonton Oilers (11-11-2) 7:30 PST, Fox Sports West To recap: Sean O'Donnell takes a boneheaded penalty and giftwraps a goal for the other team? Right back on the ice. Dustin Brown takes a bad penalty with the team already down a man? Right back on the ice. Alex Frolov misses an assignment and costs the team a goal? Benched for the rest of the game (despite the fact that the team is down a goal and Fro leads the team in goals) , swathed in the red jersey of the 4th liner, and forced into a one-on-one meeting with Terry Murray. That's kind of fucked up. That's like suspending the straight-A kid for talking out of turn. I hope he wasn't sad, that would break my heart. The Kings haven't been scoring recently, with pretty much all the scoring coming from the Stoll-Handzus-Frolov line. Brownitar has been absent from view since Kyle Calder re-joined their line (I think I should have another line naming contest: Used Condom seems appropri...

LA Kings (8-9-3) @ Edmonton Oilers (9-9-2) 7:00 PST, NHL Network, TSN What is up, douche bags? This is Lubomir Visnovsky, El Diablo , and I'm running things around here from now on. You may be thinking, "Hey, where's Rudy Kelly?" Well, last time I saw that sniveling son of a bitch he was running towards the Arizona boarder with his pants around his ankles pleading for me to not shoot him in the back, so I don't think you're going to be seeing him for a while. (Not so funny with piss running down you leg, are ya Rudy?) Now I'm in charge, and I'm going to share the real story behind my stay in Los Angeles, and why I am going to get Dean Lombardi. What? Yeah, that's what I thought. I was born on the mean streets of Topolcany, Czechoslovakia. We were so poor we couldn't even pronounce the name of our growing up. I was good at 2 things: shooting pucks and killing capitalists. Naturally, I had the opportunity to do one more than the other...

I've been an independent observer of this whole Dustin Penner fiasco , and like M*A*S*H* or a penis, it just gets better the longer it goes. To recap: The Oilers sign Dustin Penner to a 5-year, $21.25 million dollar deal after his astounding 43-point season playing alongside 2 scrubs named Ryan Getzly and Chris Perry or something like that. Who cares, they've never done anything anyway. There was much gnashing of the teeth from bloviating jackass Brian Burke, who criticized Lowe for ruining both teams; this was followed by a lot of back-and-forth between the outmatched Anaheim blogging contingent and the Edmonton juggernaut. But, in the end, Brian Burke was right: the Dustin Penner offer sheet not only left Edmonton with an overpaid, unmotivated baby, but also screwed the Ducks over when they had an opportunity to win a 2nd cup. To that I say, "Huzzah!" The problem with the Edmonton offer sheet from their perspective was that they were not in the position to of...

I have to run to meet up for the game tonight, but this absolutely sucks. The Oilers brass, in an effort to give their pressbox the charm of a low-security prison, have not only prevented CiO's Dave from not only liveblogging from that lofty perch (which he seemed willing enough to do when condescendingly lectured) , but have basically ruined the will of one of the Oilogosphere's faithful to even root for the team . I haven't thought this through very well, but basically, Goddamn it.

Edmonton Oilers (1-0-0) at Anaheim Ducks (3 opportunities for improvement!) There's no choice except better results, right? What I was originally going to write about. Look, I know the Ducks have been horrible lately, but I've caught onto a pattern. For game one, I wrote about how scared I was about Jonathan Goddamn Cheechoo , and he killed us. For game two, I wrote nothing, and that didn't help. For game three, I wrote about a pattern of 1-goal deficits turning into 3-goal deficits , and the Ducks watched their deficit grow like clockwork. My problem? I'm way too psychic. And I've been focusing entirely too much on the negative. Tonight? In the spirit of "the first 3 games are irrelevant in the scheme of an 82-game schedule", I'm instead imagining some good results. Is this the game where the Ducks get goals from their actual goal-scorers * ? Is this the game where the Ducks enter the penalty box at a slightly lesser rate ** ? Is this the game wher...